From Fear to Love – Part III – Find your way into Love

In part II of the blog series I talked more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change. If you haven’t read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part2

In this part III of the blog series I want to explore how we can actually train ourselves to shift from fear to love, once we have noticed, our being is dominated by fear.

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Do you want to Survive or to Live?

A few months back something happened while sitting in meditation. It could have probably happened to me any other time. But in meditation I am most present, most aware of my feelings and physical sensations. So it makes sense to me, that I had this very important experience on my meditation cushion.

What happened was, that I suddenly felt the difference between bare survival and actual living on a deep level of perception. It was as if I had found a switch, that could get me from the fight-or-flight-response to a relaxed and open state in seconds. This felt like magic to me. But it was nothing more than close observation.

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Ego trip or Self-care?

I recently had a conversation with my mom. Remember, the narcissist? Yeah, so I’m not here to bash my mom. She tries her best to deal with herself and the world. I accept that. The core message of the conversation we had, is so important to me though, that I want to share it with you:

So my mom was pointing out, how in my generation (born in the 80ies) and beyond, people seem so much more focused on themselves instead of caring about others. She sees it as an ongoing ego trip, the younger generations are on. – Says the narcissist. (Sry, it’s just so ironic, I have to point it out!) – As we went further into the conversation we came to the agreement, that there is a trend of too much focus on the self. Or rather too much of the wrong kind of focus. Let me explain:

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How to grow Self-love

Today, I want to talk about the difference between self-love and self-care. And how to get to that place, where you are able to love yourself. It is not an easy thing. I bet you can see it when you look at the people around you. We are beating ourselves up, we are pressuring ourselves and are our own harshest critics. That does not sound like love, does it?

So how do you start loving yourself? Well, it’s not something that happens overnight. Like all really powerful and beautiful things in life, they tend to need time and care to grow. Sometimes, it seems like somebody suddenly changed overnight. But this way to go about self-love, instant-love, is rarely working out. And I would be tempted to say, that even sudden changes have been a long time in the making.

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No Energy. No Problem.

Today is one of these days, where my energy is so low, that even a trip to the kitchen to fill up on tea, seems like a lot. I try my best to give my body what it needs, to restore itself. Enough hydration, good food and a lot of rest, if possible. And definitely a relaxed mindset. No Problem.

It used to be different though. I had long periods of fatigue, that sometimes even ended up in me having a cold. Or just not being able to get out of bed for multiple days. These heavy exhaustive states were accompanied by anger and frustration at myself and my body. It seemed like a failure.

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Your Needs vs the Needs of Others – How much can you give?

My partner asked me recently: Do you believe, that in order to be able to take care of other people’s needs, you have to put your own needs aside?

This is a question I started asking myself only a few years ago. Before that, I didn’t even ask. To me, it was clear, that in order to help, to be loving and kind, which is to me a wonderful way to exist on this earth, is to put your own needs aside. Being sick, tired or completely exhausted like clockwork was the two cents my body popped into this internal Q&A.

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In a totally crazy 2017 I find Self-love as my strongest Supporter

I am having a hard time relaxing recently. Trying to use any of the tools I have learned on the way so far. I try to deal with stress as best as I can. But it feels like a lot of steps back. One thing I observe though is, that I don’t freak out about it too much, as I used to do. Regress, or at least felt regress, always freaked the heck out of me. Now, I am thinking: Okay, let’s see what happens. Let’s see how long this goes on for before things change.

I had a very challenging year. And with challenging I mean: Everything was shaken up. Got into movement, had to be dealt with and was taking me constantly to my limit. On a personal, professional and even a hormonal level.

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How (not) to help – Love is the only option

I am thinking a lot about self-care. About what it can mean and how I know exactly the difference between escapism and self-care, between numbing myself and taking care of what my body, mind and emotions need at the moment.

But I also know that this can look different for everyone. It’s hard enough to find out what works for yourself. But even harder, if not more or less impossible, to find the right self-care practices for others. I think it has to be that everyone finds their own way of doing that. They hold the key, like each and every one of us. But standing on the outside, having gone down that path of exploring myself and my needs, I can give suggestions. But nothing more.

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