From Fear to Love – Part III – Find your way into Love

In part II of the blog series I talked more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change. If you haven’t read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part2

In this part III of the blog series I want to explore how we can actually train ourselves to shift from fear to love, once we have noticed, our being is dominated by fear.

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My Kundalini awakened

About 6 weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night. And half asleep I opened my eyes and thought in a very decisive way: “Okay, give me the next step!” It was a command, a wish and an allowing for something to happen. My conscious mind was just waking up slightly, peeking through the veils of dream. For a few seconds, nothing happened, until a huge wave of energy started to simultaneously surge from both of my feet, up the legs to meet at the base of my spine and then push their way further up my spine. At first, I was lying sideways, a little twisted in a half side, half belly sleeping position. When the energy didn’t manage to move up fast enough it felt as hot as coming to close to an actual flame, so I intuitively moved on to my back, trying to let, whatever this was, pass through me. It finally made its way out through hands and head.

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From Fear to Love – Part II – First learn to notice Fear

In Part I of this blog series on love and fear I was describing a little bit of my own experience, how things shifted for me. If you hadn’t had a chance to read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part1

In this Part II of the blog series I want to talk more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change.

Continue reading “From Fear to Love – Part II – First learn to notice Fear”

From Fear to Love – Part I – We always have a choice

I was raised in fear. Being so much immersed in it, it seemed normal, this constant high level of stress. Some part of me probably knew it wasn’t all that normal or even good because I kept being drawn to spacious slow music, to candlelight, people who were soft-spoken and generally everything that seemed to promise a different life. But these kinds of things are just a drop in the ocean of fear, which used to be my life. 

I did not know better. I was raised in fear. And at the same time, there was always the story in my head, the hope of love in my heart, of a love so big, it can transform everything. But for a few decades, this kind of love was not accessible to me. Sure, drip drip drip, small bits here and there, but not the big constant flow of love, that I would have needed to get out of this feeling of constantly being on the run (even in the most comfy PJs on the sofa).

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No need to live in your own Shadow

Recently I am again fascinated by the idea of the Shadow, which was formed by C.G. Jung. It seems to me, that it is one of the most important concepts to be able to transform from a conflict driven interaction with oneself and others to a more harmonious and loving but also conscious way to be in the world. This, of course, makes all the difference. It is a big deal, whether I manage to accept myself and others or if I am constantly denying what is.

But first: What is the Jungian shadow anyhow? – Well, the idea is, that we suppress certain things, that are part of us, actually of every human being. We are always everything. But we don’t accept everything. Through experiences and education, social norms and adaptation to those, we start pushing certain parts of ourselves away, thus living a fragmented existence. Healing, becoming whole, means integrating those parts, that we have learned to deny, to welcome everything that is hidden in our so-called “shadow”.

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Surrender: Trust in Life

SURRENDER – I used to think, that that’s something only people in the movies would say to a villain, with a gun in their hand, pointing, ready to shoot: “Surrender!”

Now this word has a totally different effect on me. It takes me by the hand and says: “It’s okay, you can let-go now.” And my big plans, my rigidness, my learned tightness in the body and my fearful chest-breathing turn into relaxation and a slow but steady opening. I just have to surrender. Nothing more.

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Do you want to Survive or to Live?

A few months back something happened while sitting in meditation. It could have probably happened to me any other time. But in meditation I am most present, most aware of my feelings and physical sensations. So it makes sense to me, that I had this very important experience on my meditation cushion.

What happened was, that I suddenly felt the difference between bare survival and actual living on a deep level of perception. It was as if I had found a switch, that could get me from the fight-or-flight-response to a relaxed and open state in seconds. This felt like magic to me. But it was nothing more than close observation.

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Ego trip or Self-care?

I recently had a conversation with my mom. Remember, the narcissist? Yeah, so I’m not here to bash my mom. She tries her best to deal with herself and the world. I accept that. The core message of the conversation we had, is so important to me though, that I want to share it with you:

So my mom was pointing out, how in my generation (born in the 80ies) and beyond, people seem so much more focused on themselves instead of caring about others. She sees it as an ongoing ego trip, the younger generations are on. – Says the narcissist. (Sry, it’s just so ironic, I have to point it out!) – As we went further into the conversation we came to the agreement, that there is a trend of too much focus on the self. Or rather too much of the wrong kind of focus. Let me explain:

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How to grow Self-love

Today, I want to talk about the difference between self-love and self-care. And how to get to that place, where you are able to love yourself. It is not an easy thing. I bet you can see it when you look at the people around you. We are beating ourselves up, we are pressuring ourselves and are our own harshest critics. That does not sound like love, does it?

So how do you start loving yourself? Well, it’s not something that happens overnight. Like all really powerful and beautiful things in life, they tend to need time and care to grow. Sometimes, it seems like somebody suddenly changed overnight. But this way to go about self-love, instant-love, is rarely working out. And I would be tempted to say, that even sudden changes have been a long time in the making.

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How to shield yourself from a Narcissist

I grew up with a narcissistic mom. Naturally, I knew nothing of my self-worth or what I wanted and needed. I did not have the chance to develop an inner voice. The narcissistic parent tends to undermine that.

They don’t do it consciously, I don’t think. Still, the result is a kid, then a teenager and finally a young adult, who does not know what’s going on inside of them. It might seem like they do, but important feelings, needs and wishes are buried deep down.

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