Surrender: Trust in Life

SURRENDER – I used to think, that that’s something only people in the movies would say to a villain, with a gun in their hand, pointing, ready to shoot: “Surrender!”

Now this word has a totally different effect on me. It takes me by the hand and says: “It’s okay, you can let-go now.” And my big plans, my rigidness, my learned tightness in the body and my fearful chest-breathing turn into relaxation and a slow but steady opening. I just have to surrender. Nothing more.

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Plans are here to serve us

So I committed to writing one blog post each day in January. Until I didn’t. And here is what I’ve learned from this short-lived plan:

First of all, you have to understand what you want and make a plan according to it. But a plan is more of a “hit-or-miss” kind of thing. Sure, some plans are more solid than others. But we end up forgetting, that a plan is only as good as the things we were able to account for. As soon as circumstances change, plans often fail to be accurate to our life experience. My plan included to get started on this blog and to write as much as I can so that I would get over some of my fears. Just doing things has sometimes really worked well for me. No time to overthink things or second guess myself.

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Don’t move! Just relax into it!

The last few months have been so so stressful. More than the level of stress I anticipated for my life in the foreseeable future. As I wrote before, I did not have the feeling, that what I had learned along the way, was helping much. Sure, a little bit. Otherwise, I would be sick all the time  – Which I was hardly at all! Yaaaaay! – or flipping out every single day – Which I am not! Really happy about that! So yeah, some progress, but as I wrote before, it felt like a lot of regress, too.

So what to do? I had to think about my meditation teacher, how when he was going through some heavy stuff his teacher told him: “If you can’t go left or right, back or forth, up or down – stay exactly where you are.”

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No New Year’s Resolutions – Not really

New Year’s resolutions – I’ll admit, I have been thinking about them. This old pattern, that I come back to, every now and then, has a pretty exact idea of all the shoulds. Should eat healthier, work-out harder, work even harder…and on and on the list goes. Thankfully over the last 10 years, I managed to get this old part of me some help, some other voices to outweigh this peak-performance-junkie.

One of them is definitely the gentle inner voice I have been mentioning before and will definitely write more about in the future. Another one is a voice of balance and harmony. This voice knows, through past experience but also on an intuitive level, that a big to-do list and high expectations are not going to work out for me. I am going to be frustrated, going to get sick a lot, out of touch with myself, if I choose that road again. So no, not this time. No New Year’s resolutions.

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