From Fear to Love – Part III – Find your way into Love

In part II of the blog series I talked more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change. If you haven’t read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part2

In this part III of the blog series I want to explore how we can actually train ourselves to shift from fear to love, once we have noticed, our being is dominated by fear.

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My Kundalini awakened

About 6 weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night. And half asleep I opened my eyes and thought in a very decisive way: “Okay, give me the next step!” It was a command, a wish and an allowing for something to happen. My conscious mind was just waking up slightly, peeking through the veils of dream. For a few seconds, nothing happened, until a huge wave of energy started to simultaneously surge from both of my feet, up the legs to meet at the base of my spine and then push their way further up my spine. At first, I was lying sideways, a little twisted in a half side, half belly sleeping position. When the energy didn’t manage to move up fast enough it felt as hot as coming to close to an actual flame, so I intuitively moved on to my back, trying to let, whatever this was, pass through me. It finally made its way out through hands and head.

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From Fear to Love – Part II – First learn to notice Fear

In Part I of this blog series on love and fear I was describing a little bit of my own experience, how things shifted for me. If you hadn’t had a chance to read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part1

In this Part II of the blog series I want to talk more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change.

Continue reading “From Fear to Love – Part II – First learn to notice Fear”

From Fear to Love – Part I – We always have a choice

I was raised in fear. Being so much immersed in it, it seemed normal, this constant high level of stress. Some part of me probably knew it wasn’t all that normal or even good because I kept being drawn to spacious slow music, to candlelight, people who were soft-spoken and generally everything that seemed to promise a different life. But these kinds of things are just a drop in the ocean of fear, which used to be my life. 

I did not know better. I was raised in fear. And at the same time, there was always the story in my head, the hope of love in my heart, of a love so big, it can transform everything. But for a few decades, this kind of love was not accessible to me. Sure, drip drip drip, small bits here and there, but not the big constant flow of love, that I would have needed to get out of this feeling of constantly being on the run (even in the most comfy PJs on the sofa).

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No need to live in your own Shadow

Recently I am again fascinated by the idea of the Shadow, which was formed by C.G. Jung. It seems to me, that it is one of the most important concepts to be able to transform from a conflict driven interaction with oneself and others to a more harmonious and loving but also conscious way to be in the world. This, of course, makes all the difference. It is a big deal, whether I manage to accept myself and others or if I am constantly denying what is.

But first: What is the Jungian shadow anyhow? – Well, the idea is, that we suppress certain things, that are part of us, actually of every human being. We are always everything. But we don’t accept everything. Through experiences and education, social norms and adaptation to those, we start pushing certain parts of ourselves away, thus living a fragmented existence. Healing, becoming whole, means integrating those parts, that we have learned to deny, to welcome everything that is hidden in our so-called “shadow”.

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Ego trip or Self-care?

I recently had a conversation with my mom. Remember, the narcissist? Yeah, so I’m not here to bash my mom. She tries her best to deal with herself and the world. I accept that. The core message of the conversation we had, is so important to me though, that I want to share it with you:

So my mom was pointing out, how in my generation (born in the 80ies) and beyond, people seem so much more focused on themselves instead of caring about others. She sees it as an ongoing ego trip, the younger generations are on. – Says the narcissist. (Sry, it’s just so ironic, I have to point it out!) – As we went further into the conversation we came to the agreement, that there is a trend of too much focus on the self. Or rather too much of the wrong kind of focus. Let me explain:

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Leave Fear + Hope behind & find a different Narrative

What if you knew, that in a few weeks, months or years, you’ll look back on your life, as it is right now, and think: “Oh right! It totally makes sense now! That’s why I had problem x! This is why I was struggling!” – It would make learning to be ourselves, to be fully present with life as it is, so much easier and a lot less scary.

But you don’t know. So you freak out, you panic and you suffer. Every single time, it seems. – What can we do about it, you ask?

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How (not) to help – Love is the only option

I am thinking a lot about self-care. About what it can mean and how I know exactly the difference between escapism and self-care, between numbing myself and taking care of what my body, mind and emotions need at the moment.

But I also know that this can look different for everyone. It’s hard enough to find out what works for yourself. But even harder, if not more or less impossible, to find the right self-care practices for others. I think it has to be that everyone finds their own way of doing that. They hold the key, like each and every one of us. But standing on the outside, having gone down that path of exploring myself and my needs, I can give suggestions. But nothing more.

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