About 6 weeks ago I woke up in the middle of the night. And half asleep I opened my eyes and thought in a very decisive way: “Okay, give me the next step!” It was a command, a wish and an allowing for something to happen. My conscious mind was just waking up slightly, peeking through the veils of dream. For a few seconds, nothing happened, until a huge wave of energy started to simultaneously surge from both of my feet, up the legs to meet at the base of my spine and then push their way further up my spine. At first, I was lying sideways, a little twisted in a half side, half belly sleeping position. When the energy didn’t manage to move up fast enough it felt as hot as coming to close to an actual flame, so I intuitively moved on to my back, trying to let, whatever this was, pass through me. It finally made its way out through hands and head.
In Part I of this blog series on love and fear I was describing a little bit of my own experience, how things shifted for me. If you hadn’t had a chance to read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part1
In this Part II of the blog series I want to talk more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change.
I was raised in fear. Being so much immersed in it, it seemed normal, this constant high level of stress. Some part of me probably knew it wasn’t all that normal or even good because I kept being drawn to spacious slow music, to candlelight, people who were soft-spoken and generally everything that seemed to promise a different life. But these kinds of things are just a drop in the ocean of fear, which used to be my life.
I did not know better. I was raised in fear. And at the same time, there was always the story in my head, the hope of love in my heart, of a love so big, it can transform everything. But for a few decades, this kind of love was not accessible to me. Sure, drip drip drip, small bits here and there, but not the big constant flow of love, that I would have needed to get out of this feeling of constantly being on the run (even in the most comfy PJs on the sofa).