Plans are here to serve us

So I committed to writing one blog post each day in January. Until I didn’t. And here is what I’ve learned from this short-lived plan:

First of all, you have to understand what you want and make a plan according to it. But a plan is more of a “hit-or-miss” kind of thing. Sure, some plans are more solid than others. But we end up forgetting, that a plan is only as good as the things we were able to account for. As soon as circumstances change, plans often fail to be accurate to our life experience. My plan included to get started on this blog and to write as much as I can so that I would get over some of my fears. Just doing things has sometimes really worked well for me. No time to overthink things or second guess myself.

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Dare to look into the Mirror!

I find it fascinating, that in many ways, it seems, that there is a mirror line encompassing us. What I mean by that is, that what you have inside is projected onto the world outside. Or at least on how you see the world outside. In many ways of our existence, the inside and outside world seem to over and over generate similarity and synchronicity. And that is such an intriguing observation!

For example: When I expect a lot from myself, I tend to expect a lot from others, too. In that kind of mindset, I am never good enough, neither are others. So I would be probably very critical of everyone around me. And suddenly the world seems filled with “idiots” and incompetent people. I could get annoyed all the time and things would seem to be just so, so far from “ideal”.

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No Energy. No Problem.

Today is one of these days, where my energy is so low, that even a trip to the kitchen to fill up on tea, seems like a lot. I try my best to give my body what it needs, to restore itself. Enough hydration, good food and a lot of rest, if possible. And definitely a relaxed mindset. No Problem.

It used to be different though. I had long periods of fatigue, that sometimes even ended up in me having a cold. Or just not being able to get out of bed for multiple days. These heavy exhaustive states were accompanied by anger and frustration at myself and my body. It seemed like a failure.

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Leave Fear + Hope behind & find a different Narrative

What if you knew, that in a few weeks, months or years, you’ll look back on your life, as it is right now, and think: “Oh right! It totally makes sense now! That’s why I had problem x! This is why I was struggling!” – It would make learning to be ourselves, to be fully present with life as it is, so much easier and a lot less scary.

But you don’t know. So you freak out, you panic and you suffer. Every single time, it seems. – What can we do about it, you ask?

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Don’t move! Just relax into it!

The last few months have been so so stressful. More than the level of stress I anticipated for my life in the foreseeable future. As I wrote before, I did not have the feeling, that what I had learned along the way, was helping much. Sure, a little bit. Otherwise, I would be sick all the time  – Which I was hardly at all! Yaaaaay! – or flipping out every single day – Which I am not! Really happy about that! So yeah, some progress, but as I wrote before, it felt like a lot of regress, too.

So what to do? I had to think about my meditation teacher, how when he was going through some heavy stuff his teacher told him: “If you can’t go left or right, back or forth, up or down – stay exactly where you are.”

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A note on Expectations

Let me tell you a little story about expectations:

A few years ago, I did a course on expectations and letting go (and read a little wonderfully written e-book. It is titled “The one skill” and written by Leo Babauta. I cannot recommend it enough. And since he offers it as a free e-book on his website, be sure to check it out, in case that topic piques your interest: https://zenhabits.net/lg/).

So while working on these topics, I wrote a little note as a reminder, to post it to a wall in my room. I put a lot of effort into forming the letters into a clean looking font. I wanted to write “expectations”, but only made it to “expect”. I hung it on the wall, good to see from every angle of the room. Great, I would now be reminded daily!

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No New Year’s Resolutions – Not really

New Year’s resolutions – I’ll admit, I have been thinking about them. This old pattern, that I come back to, every now and then, has a pretty exact idea of all the shoulds. Should eat healthier, work-out harder, work even harder…and on and on the list goes. Thankfully over the last 10 years, I managed to get this old part of me some help, some other voices to outweigh this peak-performance-junkie.

One of them is definitely the gentle inner voice I have been mentioning before and will definitely write more about in the future. Another one is a voice of balance and harmony. This voice knows, through past experience but also on an intuitive level, that a big to-do list and high expectations are not going to work out for me. I am going to be frustrated, going to get sick a lot, out of touch with myself, if I choose that road again. So no, not this time. No New Year’s resolutions.

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Your Needs vs the Needs of Others – How much can you give?

My partner asked me recently: Do you believe, that in order to be able to take care of other people’s needs, you have to put your own needs aside?

This is a question I started asking myself only a few years ago. Before that, I didn’t even ask. To me, it was clear, that in order to help, to be loving and kind, which is to me a wonderful way to exist on this earth, is to put your own needs aside. Being sick, tired or completely exhausted like clockwork was the two cents my body popped into this internal Q&A.

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In a totally crazy 2017 I find Self-love as my strongest Supporter

I am having a hard time relaxing recently. Trying to use any of the tools I have learned on the way so far. I try to deal with stress as best as I can. But it feels like a lot of steps back. One thing I observe though is, that I don’t freak out about it too much, as I used to do. Regress, or at least felt regress, always freaked the heck out of me. Now, I am thinking: Okay, let’s see what happens. Let’s see how long this goes on for before things change.

I had a very challenging year. And with challenging I mean: Everything was shaken up. Got into movement, had to be dealt with and was taking me constantly to my limit. On a personal, professional and even a hormonal level.

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The Language of Body & Heart & its Translation

The more I get to know myself and the world, the less I can describe it. Words are not accurate anymore for what I am experiencing. Words seem like a big piece of untreated clay in the midst of beautifully handcrafted pottery.

Poetry already points to that fact. It uses words on the edge of experiences, that we can barely talk about. Only in a poetic way, the words point to a world beyond our logical mind. But then again poetry mostly paints pictures, metaphors, exactly because it tries to speak the unspeakable.

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