From Fear to Love – Part III – Find your way into Love

In part II of the blog series I talked more directly about love and fear as basic energies and how important it is to notice them, especially fear, as a first step to change. If you haven’t read it, here it is: http://lifewithmyself.com/love-fear-choice-part2

In this part III of the blog series I want to explore how we can actually train ourselves to shift from fear to love, once we have noticed, our being is dominated by fear.

Operating from a state of love

Without question, to act out of love, the state of love, we do things aligned with our values, with what we want in life, according to our set intentions. And, big big plus, we feel great, while being in a state of love. But how do we get there?

Well, I might have to disappoint you right away, because I have no precise idea of how YOU specifically, as a unique human being, will get yourself into love. I only know ways that have worked for myself. But don’t give up just yet. I didn’t drag you through three blog posts to leave you hanging. Not my style!

Understanding love and fear better

To understand how we shift from fear to love, we first have to look deeper into how these two energies show up in our present moment.

Fear

  • tense body
  • racing mind
  • seeing problems rather than solutions
  • feeling of “not enough” (self, resources, time etc.)
  • experience of fear in the body as pounding heart, sweat, cold
  • shallow and/or faster breathing
  • feeling in need  of some addictive behavior
  • restlessness
  • sleeplessness
  • possibly fight or flight responses
  • feeling paralyzed
  • etc.

In contrast to that, look at the following list:

Love

  • relaxed body
  • calm mind
  • seeing opportunities and solutions
  • feeling enough and abundant
  • experience of love in the body as a warm and lovely feeling (nothing to run away from)
  • deep and regular breathing
  • no specific addictive behavior needed, addictions seem less attractive in the state of love
  • calm and peace
  • good sleep
  • options to respond consciously from heart and mind
  • etc.

There is probably much more items to put on the list. And you don’t have to see all of them or all of them at once, to know what you’re looking at.

Fight or Flight vs Fabulous

We can talk about love and fear on a different level. We can talk about the sympathetic nervous system and the parasympathetic nervous system. The state of fear, when it is intense, it might get you right into that famous fight, flight or freeze mode. If this goes on for too long, your body won’t be able to get back into “normal” mode, which basically means your (parasympathetic) nervous system can not be accessed. Which basically means, that all you have to do, to move from fear to love, is to calm your nerves!

That sounds simple, and there are ways to talk about this complex system in more detail, but I want to get very simple to be able to give you a good roadmap for a topic that is very complex and confusing on a practical level.

Humans, more than any other animal, get easily stuck in fight or flight, their fear response. What’s natural to other animals, to just get back to zero, is not normal for us at all. It seems like we need to learn to do that consciously. And since we all, as humans, at some point had or will have experiences or some situation happening, where fight or flight has been activated, all of us need to learn how to calm down, open up again and breathe deeply!

Calm those Nerves like a Pro!

Now here is why there isn’t one way to do it. We all have different preferences, different things that work for us or don’t. So when you try training to calm your nerves, hitting that inner muscle, that shifts you from fear to love, faster every time you use it, you have to find what feels right to you.

That being said, you are not the first human to try to learn how to shift back into that open state of love. So there is a rich amount of practices and information on how to do that.

A lot of them work on a body level, and not so much with the mind because fear and fight or flight work on a subconscious level our rational mind can’t access.

So go out and find things that fit you and your life. As an inspiration, I can tell you what worked for me. But there is really tons of things you can do:

  • meditation
  • yoga
  • bodywork (so many different types available)
  • breathwork
  • going for a long walk in nature
  • dancing
  • cuddling
  • soft lights and music
  • candlelight
  • singing/humming
  • feeling your soles while you walk
  • concentrating on different parts of the body, checking in
  • walking barefoot or sitting on the ground
  • essential oils with soothing properties
  • laughing
  • surrounding myself with people, who are calm & in a state of love
  • some herbal remedies, like chamomile and lavender to drink as tea
  • massaging or getting massaged
  • keeping a good digestion for quick release of used stress hormones
  • drinking enough water for the same reason

Some things might be similar for you, try out and find what feels good. With a lot of things you might find, that’s not at all your thing. Some of these practices are things I learned through reading books and applying some exercises for a while, until they become part of my repertoire, of my toolbox, so I can use them anytime.

I hope I could give you some inspiration and encourage you to go and search for yourself. Only you know what works and can find what feels right. And only you can train it. No one else will be able to these things for you.

And believe me, when you’re freaking out, you will be so so thankful to have even just one thing in your toolbox!

 


 

 

 

 

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