I recently had a conversation with my mom. Remember, the narcissist? Yeah, so I’m not here to bash my mom. She tries her best to deal with herself and the world. I accept that. The core message of the conversation we had, is so important to me though, that I want to share it with you:
So my mom was pointing out, how in my generation (born in the 80ies) and beyond, people seem so much more focused on themselves instead of caring about others. She sees it as an ongoing ego trip, the younger generations are on. – Says the narcissist. (Sry, it’s just so ironic, I have to point it out!) – As we went further into the conversation we came to the agreement, that there is a trend of too much focus on the self. Or rather too much of the wrong kind of focus. Let me explain:
Are you a product yet?
There is a fear-based self-obsessed reaction to the world, a world which seems ready to replace each and every one of us within a second if you look at it from an economic standpoint. That feels harsh and gives rise to a lot of insecurities. In the capitalist way of thinking, we have learned, the best way to make yourself irreplaceable is to market yourself. You become the product, something that has inherent value to the market.
So people start “investing” in themselves, their looks, their status and what they can present to the world. The process of product-making of one’s self is though something that will never lead towards happiness for anyone who attempts it. It is a death-cycle for the self. I mean, think about it, you literally aim to become a THING, a product!
Self-care is not selfish
Apart from marketing yourself, which is fueled by the fear of being replaceable, there is another way to give yourself focus, attention and energy. It is the healthy way of self-care, which can bring a great deal of healing about. It gives rise to self-love, which so many of us were never able to attain in childhood and adolescence, due to the circumstances in which we grew up. This kind of tending to one’s own heart and spirit gives you enough self-confidence, to finally start listening to your intuition and your gentle inner voice, which always knows best. Inner strength and peace accompany this way of being with yourself.
And going from there, it is only natural for you to start interacting with your surrounding in a more loving and kind way. You have to, because you start to live more in love. It’s inevitable to give back from that state of existence.
This is why taking care of yourself and letting wounds heal, is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself and others. Self-care is not selfish but rather absolutely necessary. Instead of being chased around in life by fear, you let love be your motivation and guide. This way of healing is sustainable to you, your family, friends and the community around you. Love is boundless. It doesn’t stop at the threshold we usually define as “self”. It can’t be contained because it is alive, dynamic, vibrant and ever expanding. So it most definitely will affect everyone around you in a positive way!
The good news is, you are the one who can unleash this kind of love. You are the one who knows best what you need, what hurts, what feels good…And believe it or not, you already have everything within you, you need for healing. You just have to make the decision to go for it. Stop taking advice from fear and open yourself up to all the possibilities love holds.
How to know the difference
My mom asked me, how one would know when the attention towards one-self is starting to be unhealthy, too much, narcissistic, so to say (her words, not mine). I replied: “This is something you can feel!” – Healing has a very special quality about itself: You enter a world, that has not been open to you before. And you feel wonderful in that new space! You want to walk further on the path ahead, not because you aim to reach some self-set goal, but because you can feel, you are finally coming home.
Those of us who have already experienced how love heals, how insanely different and beautiful the world can be in the state of love, want more of the same good stuff. We got hooked, for the first time in the right way, without any side effects – except for happiness, peace and deep trust.
Are you taking care of yourself? Do you dare to take time to heal? Can you let love be your one and only guide? I can help you along the way, if you’d like that. Check out options to work with me here: http://lifewithmyself.com/talk-to-me
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